Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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