well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
