I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
