my mouth tastes like poor choices
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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