I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
