your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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