I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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