when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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