he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
