so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
