I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
