I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
