I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
