Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
