I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Come on in and take your pants off
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