I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
