Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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