Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
