I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
