i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
