dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
