I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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