hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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