I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
