I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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