I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
