I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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