You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
