bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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