i don't like sucking hair
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
