We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
