Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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