woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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