She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This is my gift to your gina
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The power of my boobs compel you
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
