my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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