What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
