We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
