Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
