to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
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I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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