i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.