I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.