Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.

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(416): If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay. http://tfl.nu/09z9

Replies (10) Good night (2114) Bad night (941)
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(310): View more from California

and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity

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(310): and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity http://tfl.nu/4zrt

Replies (44) Good night (15474) Bad night (1230)
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(631): View more from New York

It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.

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(631): It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom. http://tfl.nu/aix7

Replies (48) Good night (6413) Bad night (1852)
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(512): View more from Texas

We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"

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(512): We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping" http://tfl.nu/lb53

Replies (7) Good night (2849) Bad night (626)
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(408): View more from California

She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit

(1-408): View more from California

I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards

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(408): She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit (1-408): I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards http://tfl.nu/ssrb

Replies (9) Good night (1780) Bad night (638)
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(817): View more from Texas

Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.

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(817): Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots. http://tfl.nu/sx8s

Replies (6) Good night (389) Bad night (1425)
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(434): View more from Virginia

High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.

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(434): High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world. http://tfl.nu/0gxn

Replies (3) Good night (698) Bad night (398)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.

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(314): Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous. http://tfl.nu/8pll

Replies (15) Good night (1355) Bad night (467)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef

(240): View more from Maryland

Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!

(202): View more from Washington, DC

That is the exact response I was looking for.

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(202): Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef (240): Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst! (202): That is the exact response I was looking for. http://tfl.nu/qkl0

Replies (8) Good night (1559) Bad night (418)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?

(416): View more from Toronto

I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way

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(416): Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again? (416): I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way http://tfl.nu/h01t

Replies (4) Good night (660) Bad night (1019)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.

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(307): Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS. http://tfl.nu/6kx3

Replies (8) Good night (1444) Bad night (461)
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(319): View more from Iowa

I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.

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(319): I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls. http://tfl.nu/wkuc

Replies (3) Good night (440) Bad night (743)
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(585): View more from New York

High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.

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(585): High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation. http://tfl.nu/xkfb

Replies (0) Good night (747) Bad night (334)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.

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(405): I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level. http://tfl.nu/exjq

Replies (0) Good night (433) Bad night (251)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band

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(503): I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band http://tfl.nu/jb22

Replies (1) Good night (301) Bad night (373)

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