i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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