i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
