I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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