I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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