his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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