This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I forget how to act sober
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
