I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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