did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
