he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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