he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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