dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
