Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
