Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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