I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
