I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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