rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
