i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
