She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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