she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
