"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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