Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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