I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
