Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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